“Nice knowing you.”
It’s often a statement made in anger; made when we have no options left; made when our hearts are full of sadness, and we have nothing left to do but say goodbye.
But what happens when we’ve had time to reflect on what brought us to that point? What happens after those painstaking moments when we’re faced with the choice: continue allowing someone into your life, or say, “Nice knowing you.”
I’ve had to say goodbye to a lot of friends or relationships in the past few months that no longer served me. The truth is, some of those times, I wasn’t even entirely sure why I was saying goodbye when I was. My internal monologue went back and forth between, “just let this go and be patient,” and “what’s the point of dragging this out any longer?”
I’ve concluded that when it came time to say goodbye, it wasn’t because I couldn’t take anymore. It wasn’t because I didn’t deep down in my heart want to continue getting to know the person and seeing the possibility of where things would go, if only I could wait for them to open up.
The truth is, I could’ve waited; I wanted to wait; I wanted to let these people be apart of my world and give them each a piece of my true and loyal companionship. But, I’ve concluded that when it came time to say, “Nice knowing you,” it was because I knew the cold, honest truth was, I never was going to truly know them.
I’ve reached the point in my life where vulnerability is a key characteristic I look for in the people I surround myself with. They say you’re a collection of all the people you spend time with, so why spend time with people who don’t allow you to be your true self?
While I try to spend time with people from all different walks of life, the ones I’ve learned to distance myself from the most, are often the ones who are most distant.
I made a decision long ago that I was not going to lay in my death bed, wondering how many people in this world truly knew me. I wasn’t going to surround myself with a ton of people who did not see the person I was, because what’s the point of having people show up to your funeral if you never showed up for them?
It sounds dark, but the people who are the most controlling are typically the most lonely. The people who wear the most impressive mask and want to put on the best show, have the most hidden inside them. But, the people who make the world brighter are the ones who make even one other person’s life bright, just by being in it.
People tell me all the time, I’m too quick to pull the trigger. That I’m too quick to determine the result of a relationship and that I’m hopelessly looking for the good in people that doesn’t exist. While I do believe that sometimes I make rash decisions quickly, I know the real reason I pull the trigger is because I look for the good that DOES exist in people, but that they don’t want me to see.
I can spend my days tirelessly putting myself out there, just to open up to the people who will keep me at a distance, or I can say, “Nice knowing you,” and remind myself that as great as it would be to get to know them; to learn their flaws, their interests, their desires, and their fears, that some people will never let you.