Learning to Love: Transcending Ego and Fear

We are not born with ego and fear, they are learned through society and can be instilled in us at a young age. Fear and ego are very important aspects of our personalities that we must come to realize, but what people fail to realize is that they are JUST that; they are only aspects of who we are, not our entire selves. People who let their fear and ego consume them are misguided and easily influenced by anything, even if it goes against their true self and their beliefs. People who give in to their fear and ego, instead of stand up for what they believe in will only be getting in the way of what they really are: love.  

I believe that everything and everyone is love. Everyone’s purpose on earth is to love and to be loved. If you look at a baby, they are so simple in what they truly want: a smile, a hug, a kiss, to be held. But our ego starts to form very early on when are conditioned to receive these things and taught what is right and wrong through positive and negative feedback. Those of us who are sheltered, will only know what is right and wrong based on the attention we are getting from our parents. We begin to perceive and imitate those around us, unconsciously trying to fit the mold that our surroundings have created for us. When we are taught that something is “wrong” we start to modify our behavior. As soon as we act up or do something that is considered “out of the norm,” we are susceptible to being ignored, threatened, or even mentally or physically abused, ultimately bending to society’s rules in a desperate cry for attention.

We become slaves to our fear and our ego. We begin to threaten others for acting outside of these “norms” that we were taught at a young age. Problems begin to arise in our relationships with others and conflicts begin to arise in the world because we allow our egos to clash. However, if we all look at our true selves, and chose love over our egos, we could never clash, because we would recognize that we are all the same. Instead of banding with people who have the same ego as us, we would be uniting as one, recognizing that everyone has the same desire to be loved.

It is easy to be afraid, since we are constantly seeking approval from others and taught not to be different. It is easy to have a need to control those who are different, since anyone who is threatening what we were taught to believe, is threatening our ego, which is in turn threatening who we are. It is easy to thrive on drama when it has been ingrained into our minds. We get in to dysfunctional relationships where one is constantly seeking approval and one is constantly seeking control because society and our upbringing taught us that we are not allowed to be different. We tear people down for expressing themselves, when we ourselves were not allowed that same expression. We put up a wall thinking we are protecting ourselves when really, we are destroying the very essence of human nature that differentiates us from beasts: our ability to love.

We must stop being those scared little boys and girls and stop acting like monsters. You are NOT your ego, and you are NOT your fear. You do not always need to do something RIGHT or else it will be considered WRONG. This whole “ego dance” that is BLACK or WHITE, and this need to BELONG to one side or the other is what generates hate, jealousy, greed, judgment and fear. We must celebrate individuality, and at the same time, celebrate that love connects us all.

I am so thankful that I was not taught to hate, so I know how difficult it must be to transcend it for a lot of people. I have recognized the fear and ego in people and can feel how much it hurts them, since it goes against the love that they have in their hearts. I have seen people surround themselves with those who agree with them in an effort to stay sheltered and protected. I know people who think love is defined by their ego, instead of their soul. I know people who try to force their beliefs on others, because it is all they know. I know people who are so easily influenced by those around them because they want to love everyone, but are so confused by conflicting ideas, they do not know which to choose. But look to yourself to find the answer. Think about what makes you feel right. Think about what your heart truly longs for. What are you passionate about? What makes you angry? What makes you sad? What were the times in your life that you really felt you were in the right place at the right time? Who are the people that were there for you the most, and who are the ones that only used you when they needed you? Maybe your parents abused you, maybe your teacher forced their beliefs on you, maybe the people you loved the most told you you were wrong. But what does your heart tell you? What makes you feel at peace? I think that if we look inside to find the answers instead of constantly looking to others for approval, we will choose love every time.


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